I promise I will try to make this as close to the point as I can and not blab on but this past week we hit the 5 month mark and I wanted to share five things that have been very useful for us to *learn* since getting married (yes I said learn because as “duh” as some of these might seem, sometimes you have to give yourself a few mental reminders)
At the end of this post, there is a delightful video of Alec feeding me disgusting foods while I’m blindfolded. I don’t know at what point I agreed to this….
- Put. Down. Your. Phone.
It is so so so so easy to come home after a days work, kiss your sweet spouse hello, sit on the couch together and check your phone to see if you missed anything important on Instagram that day (98% of the time, that’s a no), then cook dinner and sit down to watch the next episode on your Netflix series, then say “just one more….just one more”, then you get into bed and check your phones one more time and fall asleep. OH MY GOSH IT IS SO EASY TO DO and I promise it takes no time flat for you to get super sick of it. But as stupid as it might sound, it can be a hard habit to break. We are used to constantly having our phones within arms reach and of course there are lots of ways that you can share your electronics together, but our best memories are when we put the phones away, keep the tv off, just go lay on the floor in our guest room and talk and laugh. I promise, that isn’t hard to do either….but you have to make a choice and break the habit. - Major the majors and minor the minors.
There are OF COURSE going to be things that your spouse will do that will make you seriously annoyed (just squeeze out the toothpaste from the end of the tube!!!) and after a long day of work, coming home and cooking dinner, and finding that your spouse walks away without clearing the dishes from the table, it can be tempting to be like “What are you doing?! You aren’t even thinking about helping me??”. But guess what is going to be waaaaaaay more productive in the long run…”Hey sugar lips, can you help me clear the table please?”. And I know you’re like DUH, and at the time your brain might want to explode, but when the time comes and you’ve had it up to HERE, it’s important to take a breath and keep your cool because there will also be days when something more major will arise that might call for a stronger tone but if you have used up all your whining on dishes, then you’re going to be in for a rough time. - Have you ever had a perfect roommate?
If your answer to this is “yes”, then you have won the life lottery because for the rest of us NORMAL PEOPLE (jk), as awesome as some of my roommates have been, nobody is perfect. I’m sure there were plenty of times where I could have definitely been a better roommate but guess what, when you get married, as much as you dearly love that person, you now have a permanent roommate for life. And all of the struggles and little things that came up with your college roommate, will sure as heck come up when you get married. I mean this isn’t all bad….there’s gobs of perks to having my hubs as my roommate– double duty bed making is a breeze, washing dishes togeeeether (still working on this one), getting ready together in the morning, and of course being able to share our bed at night (this is good except in the summertime when we’re dying of heat and it’s like “I really do love you but stay on your side omg turn on the AC but not for too long because that costs money”). It’s just learning how to get into a rhythm with your spouse and share the responsibilities that comes with sharing a home together. - It’s the little things (this is a two-fer)
Part one: It seriously totally is the little things that you can do for each other that make you feel special. Examples….if Alec makes the bed all by himself for me. So nice. If we finish dinner and he makes me tea and runs a bath. Sweetheart. If I make sure his lunch is packed and ready to grab in the morning. #wifey. It’s these little things that really aren’t going to take much time or money or even effort, but it shows your spouse that you are specifically thinking about their needs, happiness, and well-being.
Part two: It’s the little things that you DON’T do that can also cause a tiff. Guess what, it really isn’t hard to clear the table or make sure the pillows and blankets look nice on the couch or put your dirty clothes in the hamper or set the table. But if one person is the one doing these things everyyyy siiiingle tiiiime, it gets real old real quick. - Real life can be a B.
Guess what….as absolutely wonderful as being married is and being able to come home every day to the person that you have chosen to love for your whole life is the best, real life happens and sometimes bad things happen in-between the time you say “Have a great day” and “How was your day”. It’s of course okay to have these days because, umm, you are HUMAN, but it’s so important to not take it out on your spouse and communicate “Hey today was really bad because…x y z…it’s nothing personal I’m just kinda in a funk”. And it’s important that the other person understands that and respects their spouses’ need for a little extra patience because their day will come too. And maybe that means you just make mac n cheese for dinner or you actually do spend that night binge watching some Netflix or maybe you say goodnight with just a kiss but that is real life and THAT IS OKAY.
Real talk, it’s taken me awhile to feel like I am not being a good wife if I didn’t have everything cleaned off the floor or a full meal cooked each night or have a lunch made every day for Alec or be pretty and made up every single day. And even on my bad days, I wouldn’t want to act bummed about anything or bring Alec down but, hello, that’s not attainable and not healthy. This person married you because they love every part of you (the good, the bad, and the sometimes moderately ugly) so it is important to put yourself in their shoes, treat them like you’d like to be treated, do NOT say anything mean out of anger, and always carry the utmost respect for each other.
Gosh, that was longer than I was intending it to be but I hope even just one person will read it and it can help them in some way!!
Okay now watch this cute video of Alec feeding me mystery foods and me making a fool out of myself trying to guess!
Heather Fern 