Okay so this video is honestly one of my favorites so far. I just laugh out loud every time I watch it. Maybe I just think that we are funnier than we actually are (probably true), but I hope you all love it as much as we do!
I read this book a while back that talked about good communication tips and they are both very simple and can also be complicated in the moment. I am SUCH a huge communication person (I mean, it was my major) and that is something that we really have to constantly work on in our marriage because I have a tendency to over-talk and Alec has a tendency to “be a very good listener” (aka not talk enough). Here are the tips that I feel are most useful for us that we still work on every day:
- Timing is Everything. Seriously, do not try to talk about a difficult subject right before bedtime or when the house is really messy and chaotic.
- Major the Majors and Minor the Minors. I’m pretty sure that I have mentioned this before in a blog but I have followed this rule for yearrrrs ever since my dad told it to me in high school. You have to choose your battles and if you are always making a huge deal out of things that really won’t have a big impact in the long run, then once that big bad moment really does come, you won’t be taken seriously.
- You Can’t Argue Someone’s Feelings. This is something that my therapist told me in high school (I am totally pro-therapist. For someone like me who has so many thoughts and wears my heart on my sleeve, it is nice to get an outside professional’s opinion). This doesn’t mean that what your feeling is always right, and you might be wrong in the situation, but nonetheless, in that moment, that is your feeling and there’s a reason you’re feeling it and you can’t discount someone’s feeling.
- Get To The Point. ohmygosh this is my personal battle. I have to really work on getting to the point early on and then go back and sketch out what I mean afterwards otherwise your spouse is going to check out of the convo because, well they are human and we do that.
- Know When To Stop Talking. This is an art form, people. It kind of goes with #4 but basically once you’ve made your point, just stop. This is actually a sales technique as well because you don’t want to make a great point and then mess it all up because you couldn’t stop talking or you discredit yourself or say the wrong thing.
- Try Your Best To Be Positive. Nobody likes a Debby downer, I promise. If you are negative all the time and always lay every problem on the table, you are going to get tuned out. If you try to be as positive as you can, then your problems are going to be more willingly listened to.
- Don’t Assume They’re A Mindreader. Some people are great at picking up non verbals. Some people aren’t. O-p-e-n C-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-i-o-n is KEY to a healthy marriage. If you are upset and aren’t willing to talk about it out loud, then you just need to let it go because it isn’t fair to expect your spouse to pick up on all your non verbals.
- Be Willing To Accept Correction. Hey remember how I said you can’t argue someone’s feelings? Still true, but that doesn’t mean that you are automatically right. If I burned the kitchen down in a fire and I was really sad about it, it doesn’t mean that the problem is solved. Or if I said something that hurt my husband’s feelings but then I felt bad about it, that doesn’t mean that the discussion is over. You need to be able to recognize that obviously nobody is perfect and that your spouse knows you better than anyone and should only be trying to give you constructive correction.
- Be Forgiving. This honestly should be #1 because a marriage without forgiveness is literally doomed. Life without forgiveness really is doomed. We are all going to make mistakes (see #7) and we need to come at each other with grace and forgiveness otherwise your life will be miserable and filled with bitterness.
- Be Kind. I know, I know, this is a “no duh” rule but guess what, when you have had a really bad day and the sink is full of dishes and there is no food in the fridge and you feel like a whale that day and then your spouse says something that rubs you the wrong way, it can be quite easy to spout off some unkind words or take your frustration out on them when they don’t deserve it. Really really really always remember that the moment is going to pass but words can seriously stick and they DO hurt. I still remember lots of hurtful things that were said to me in the past to this day and I never want to give those same memories to my husband.
Like I said, these are daily rules that we work on seriously every single day and will always have to work on because we are humans. But I hope even just one of these can help you out and help you have a happy and harmonious life! xo
Heather Fern 